Craziest Somerville Crime Stories of 2012, Part 1

The city closed a massage parlor on Highland Avenue in March after an undercover police officer nearly received a "happy ending" during an investigation into alleged prostitution at the site, according to an incident report from the Somerville Police Department.

Man Accused of Lewd Act on Red Line in Davis Square Station
A man ejaculated on a 21-year-old Cambridge woman riding the Red Line into Davis Square, according to a report from MBTA Transit Police.

Police: Holland Street Shotgun Incident Involved Stolen Turtle
It's an image you'd expect to see in a Hollywood depiction of 1950s Appalachia, not one you'd associate with Holland Street in Somerville, between Davis and Teele squares, on a Thursday afternoon: A man sitting on his porch, "stroking" a shotgun, a handgun stuffed into his waistband, accusing his upstairs neighbors of stealing his pet turtle.

A landscaping dispute gone wrong led one man to swing his weed whacker at a neighbor, injuring a woman, according to allegations in a Somerville police report.

A 30-year-old Malden man allegedly swore at customers sitting outside Sherman Cafe in Union Square before he walked inside, threatened to steal a cookie, stole a cookie and then ate it, according to a Somerville Police Department incident report.

Report: Papa John's Driver Tries to Run Down Pedestrian in Inman Square
An employee of Papa John's Pizza, driving a car with a Papa John's sign on it, tried to run down a pedestrian outside Parlor Sports Bar in Inman Square, according to allegations in a police report.

Report: Man Brandishes Sword at Car Wash to Cut in Line
A Somerville man who wanted to wash his pickup truck pulled a sword on other customers at a car wash, according allegations in a Somerville Police report.

A Cambridge man was caught "giving chase to one of the nuns" at Somerville's Little Sisters of the Poor, according to a Somerville Police report. He then allegedly kicked the nun.

See part two of Somerville's craziest crime stories of 2012 tomorrow.